Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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