..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
