So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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