Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
