No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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