She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
