I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
