I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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