you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
