When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He felt like a one man threesome
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
