And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
