He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
