i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
