just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Someone signed my nipple.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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