Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
