nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
