Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fuck appropriateness.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
