after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
