im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
