remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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