I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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