Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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