My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need water and some morals
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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