A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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