how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
