Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
