You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
