Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
