i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
