It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
