Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize