If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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