you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
