im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
