btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
