Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
