Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
