You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This baby is an asshole
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
