i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh god the rape fog is back!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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