My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
