don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous