Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought