smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.