forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.