I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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