Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of course I have a pirate flag
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.