i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
