just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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