Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
