i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
