My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
