Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
