are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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