listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
whose parrot is this?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
