I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize