I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
