Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
