i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
