the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I sprained my soul last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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