Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
