there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
