At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
