I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
