I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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