We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pants are for mortals
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
