Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
