guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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