I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
