i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
