I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
