Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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