why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
