Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
