You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
