I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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