I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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