OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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