Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
