You really coming over, don't trick.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
