My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
