he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
