thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?