He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
